dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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