Where did you get a picture of my penis
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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