the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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