that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i think i just lost a toe
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
