Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
