Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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