i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
