Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
