it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
