he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
