we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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