I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
