Ambien. No doubt about it.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
