I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
