It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
