So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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