He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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