you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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