Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
