Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
