Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
