Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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