haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
