dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
