He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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