can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
