please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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