i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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