i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
