I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
