I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
