I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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