So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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