Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
