Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
