It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have fence marks all over my body
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
