idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
