did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
