It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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