i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
