I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
