Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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