I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
