She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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