sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
