"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
