That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
