Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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