just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
