whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
