There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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